Muslim Girl sitting on the grass in the park, enjoying the outdoors.

As 2020 approaches, I can’t help but reminisce about the past – good and bad. I’m typically not a sentimental person. Except, I recently read an article about an essay contest called “dear future self” . Within it were the entries of the contest winners – high school girls who wrote about their present, their hopes, and how badly they wish to remain true to themselves. It was truly an inspiring read. Which is why I now present to whoever is reading this, my letter to future me.

Dear Future Me,

As I write this letter from the comfort of my childhood bedroom, at 11:27 pm, my mind draws a blank. Maybe, it’s because I am suffering from the worst case of writers block that I have ever experienced. Or because I have so much that I want to ask that I don’t know where to start.

So, here goes. This past decade we’ve experienced alot. From the birth of our siblings. To conquering depression and learning to value our mental health. We’ve loved and lost people – both friends and family – that we thought would be in our lives forever. Traveled to new sights. As well as began a new chapter within our lives – like University.

I know that it can be hard to remain true to oneself, but I hope that you have done so years from now. I hope that you always remember that Allah (God) never gives us more than we can handle and that he tests those whom he cares for. That’s why no matter what comes your way hold on to these two reminders – if you choose to hold on to anything at all.

This year marks the beginning of our “adulting” . As well as the year, when we truly learned the meaning of independence. At this point we’ve survived our first semester of university. Currently we are a BMOS student, hoping to major in management and legal studies. Constantly contemplating if we want to continue down this path. Which is probably why I’m wondering if we ever understand economics. Or did we eventually choose a different path. Both seem quite unlikely. We’ve always loved a challenge and for now I can’t see us backing down on this one.

I know that all my actions now are what influence who you became. Which to be honest, kinda scares me. There are so many things that are constantly changing. From what motivates me to do what I do. All the way to the things that I choose to do.

Which has been hard on me. We’ve always been someone who craves structure and discipline. We strive to be the best. Which can be both a good and bad thing. At this point, this mindset of ours has been the cause of numerous breakdowns over little things. That’s why I hope that sometime in the future you have learned to ease up on yourself.

To let go of the things that in the long run won’t really matter. Cause to be honest alot of the things that we stress over typically don’t matter anymore by the end of the day. Yet, their always the things that we seem to remember and hold on to. Which I find quite funny.

In the article that I had read, that inspired me to write this, one of the girls’ had said how ” our natural tendency is to misremember our experiences.” That’s probably why whenever we took our brothers out all we seemed to remember was stressing out over their behavior rather than all the fun that we had. Or when we think back to our collective high school years all I can seem to remember are my arguments with the administration rather than all the memories that we made.

On a more positive note, I wonder if you still write poetry like a mad man. Is it still our choice of escape from all of our mundane problems? Or have we found something new?

You know, looking back at it now I still can’t figure out how writing poetry became something that we did on Earth day only to something that helped us deal with everything. But, life is funny that way I guess. The littlest things can have the biggest impact without us even knowing it.

So, I leave you with this, always remember where you came from – no matter how much things change. Give back to those that gave to you when you had nothing and when you were no one. Lastly, never forget that you aren’t alone. Even if there is no one physically around you, remember that Allah (God) is always there for you. And that as long as you hold on to the teachings of our loved ones, they are there too – metaphorically speaking.

I guess this is goodbye for now. I pray that 10 years from now you have further evolved into the type of human being that makes you proud.


17 year old Ayah

Author’s Note

We all change – be it physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. It’s inevitable. But, at the same time there is always something that we secretly wish we could do over or change. So let me know in the comments, what’s one thing that you wish to advice future you so that you can avoid/prevent in the future.